MARIO

Born: Yes I was…unless this really is the matrix.

Nickname: Cloned Feb. 1958

Sedona since: In these lands for 25,000 years…How about you “white man”?

Secret talents: Well if I told you then they would not be “secret talents” anymore…duh!!

What do I like most about being on the ADW guide team? Who said I like them? What’s ADW anyway? Some kind of new rash?

How long have you been Guiding Tours? I dunno…what time is it now?

Favorite Quote: Sure you can trust the U.S. Government. Just ask the Indians.

Favorite Tourist question: Where are we? Can you please let us off here? We’ll walk back ourselves. What’s with that big gun? What do you mean you want to be tipped now?

Most rewarding part of your job: The drugs, the booze and the naked women…no wait, that was my last job.

Best animal encounter on tour: None that lived…you’d be surprised what a jeep can do to the critters doing 65 mph on a rocky dirt road. (just kidding)

Favorite Season to guide: Well if it’s called “tourist season” why can’t we shoot them.

Worse part of your job: Getting paid with beads and blankets instead of real money.